Friday, 26 April 2013

My Time with Adrian Kennedy and Friend.

Last night I took to the airwaves to talk to the only man who could get to the bottom of my complaint. I want to thank Adrian for taking time out to tackle this issue with me. Not many workers have the audacity to go against his employer and I admire his stance on the issue.

Here is the recording, I come on between 9:55 mins until 15:25 mins:

http://utv.vo.llnwd.net/o16/FM104/2013/04/26/Phoneshow26-04-2013GetitoffyourchestWomenCarryingCondomsJeremysMusclesandAmyispregnant.mp3


The original post been taken down but thanks to a vigil Facebook user I was able to obtain a screenshot of what kicked off the talk:





Monday, 22 April 2013

Various Costumer Complaints Through Facebook

Superquinn:

https://www.facebook.com/Superquinn/posts/535809639773786

Aviva Healthcare - Bieber Fever:

https://www.facebook.com/Aviva/posts/510400662341364

Pizza Republic:

Part 1: https://www.facebook.com/PizzaRepublicIreland/posts/177463719070814

Part 2: https://www.facebook.com/PizzaRepublicIreland/posts/476559575749301

Photograph: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=477200859018506&set=pb.216750785063516.-2207520000.1366698702.&type=3&theater

O2 Ireland:

https://www.facebook.com/O2Ireland/posts/525097854192204?comment_id=5484359&notif_t=like

Nicorette:

https://www.facebook.com/nicorette/posts/10200453646576752

Love/Hate:

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=541504272547007&id=124113287619443

Eddie Rocket's:

https://www.facebook.com/eddierockets/posts/10151556224458476

Aer Lingus:

https://www.facebook.com/aerlingus/posts/438967569526128

IMDB Review of Fair City:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0170930/reviews-19

BBC 3:

https://www.facebook.com/bbcthree/posts/10200547691847825

*Response:

"Hey Niall - thanks for sharing such an epic and well thought out idea! Unfortunately we're not able to commission shows on our Facebook page (which we are really gutted about) BUT you can submit your ideas here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/tv/pitching-ideas/ideas-from-the-public.shtml Good luck!"

Lynx:

https://www.facebook.com/lynxeffect/posts/10151496791922054

Broadcasting Authority of Ireland:

https://www.facebook.com/BAIreland/posts/535886646457794?notif_t=like

Tesco:

https://www.facebook.com/tesco/posts/521767717882364?notif_t=like

Weirs & Sons:

https://www.facebook.com/WeirsJewellers/posts/364302000358626

Sminoff:

https://www.facebook.com/SmirnoffIreland/posts/10151635730740939

Jack Daniel's:

https://www.facebook.com/jackdanielsireland/posts/10151508340607058

Captain Morgan's:

https://www.facebook.com/CaptainMorganIreland/posts/10151644100002200

Ben and Jerry's:

https://www.facebook.com/BenandJerrysIreland/posts/10200873688077527

Tayto: 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10200861931823628&set=o.6763632581&type=1

Lyons Tea:

https://www.facebook.com/LyonsTea/posts/10152306755569119

Jobs.ie:

https://www.facebook.com/jobsdotie/posts/10151583876453177?notif_t=like









Sunday, 21 April 2013

Disarming Tension - 'Obama Goes to Iran'

Even Richard Nixon's most reviled critics have come to accept one aspect of his presidency that can't be faulted, this was his administration's relationship with China. At the height of the Cold War in 1972, Nixon shocked the international community by going on a official state visit to the People's Republic of China. The president, who became a household name in the 1950s by being a staunch critic of communism in all shapes and forms, turned Cold War relations on a pivot by opening communications with the communist state of China. This meant China was perceived as being friendly to America and the two had a common foe in the Soviet Union. 'Nixon goes to China', is now a popular phrase used in the reporting of international politics when a politician takes a unprecedented action in terms of diplomacy to engage with a perceived enemy. 

Now in 2013, does the world need a 'Obama goes to Iran' moment to solve a major headache in Middle East for American foreign policy makers? The region in political terms has become increasingly unstable due to a number of quick changes in governments and the rise of the public voice. Tunisia, Egypt and Libya can attest to this. The public opinion through the use of protest managed to topple the long standing regimes in charge of these countries. 

However, Iran is different. Despite western media reports, the public at large still support the current government and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The 2009 presidential elections that led to the 'Green Revolution' have been misrepresented in Western Media. Polling by a non-profit institute 'Terror Free Tomorrow' showed that support for Mahmoud Ahamdinejad was in his favour by a margin of 2:1 over his political rival Mir-Hossein Mousavi of the Green Party. 

This was a greater margin than the actual results of the election. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had the popular consensus of Iran and the Green Revolution that followed the election results was the reaction of a minority of the Iranian population voicing their opposition. 

The mainstream media in the international community reported that the election results were rigged. Rigging is a possibility, so far though, there is no conclusive evidence to support the claims that the election was rigged.  The absence of a free press in the country failed to show that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was very popular inside of Iran at the time, this is contrary to how the media outside the country portrayed the president, “It was a story that seemed to write itself. But it was also a story that the West -- and the American media in particular -- was destined to get wrong in ways both large and small."

The hope for the current Iranian Government to be toppled by a public uprising is highly unlikely. This means to create a dialogue with Iran, the United States will need to engage the Iranians on their nuclear aspirations. So far the sanctions, political language and Obama's last month assurance to the Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel that there is, "not a lot of daylight", between Israel and the United States on assessments of the status of Iran's nuclear program, have shown the United States are unwilling to engage with Iran and meet them half-way on issues. 

Is there a chance for all parties involved to meet on some common ground in regard to the nuclear issue? To answer this the rationale behind Iranian desire for nuclear weapons needs to be addressed.

Iran’s military spending is low in comparison to other countries in the Middle East. The building of nuclear weapons acts as a cheaper alternative for national security. The build up of nuclear arms deters would be aggressors in the Middle Eastern region. The nuclear program acts as a military defensive strategy. This defensive strategy interferes with United States interests in the region. To the United States, “Iranian deterrent capacity is considered an illegitimate exercise of sovereignty that interferes with U.S. global designs. Specifically, it threatens U.S. control of Middle East energy resources, a high priority of planners since World War II” (Chomsky). 

Iran has the fourth largest oil reserves in the world. This is why the development of nuclear weapons puts into jeopardy United States control of energy resources in the Middle East. The weapons would allow the Iranian Government to defend itself against attacks on the country by foreign nations who might attempt to gain access to its resources. 

The United States focuses on Iran in the Middle East as a large threat while there are already nuclear armed nations in the Greater Middle Eastern region that have volatile relations with each other. This can be observed in the relations between Pakistan and India. 

According to Foreign Policy Magazine, Pakistan poses the biggest risk in the region on their ‘U.S. Nuclear Annihilation Vulnerability Ranking’. This is due to the fact that Pakistan, “represents the greatest existential threat to Israel because of its nuclear capability, domestic instability, and hostility to Israel” (Asal). 

Iran shows a significantly lower threat to Israel as it has no known nuclear weapons and because Israel possesses an arsenal of nuclear weapons that it can use to defend itself with. The biggest potential threat that Iran can pose with the acquisition of nuclear arms is not nation warfare but the supplying of weapons to terrorist organisations.
           
Since the Iranian revolution in 1979, Iran has had a history of supplying terrorist organisations with funding and weapons. Some of the most notable Iranian backed terrorist attacks include the bombing of the United States Embassy in Beirut in 1983, the bombing of the Israeli Embassy in Argentina in 1992 and the bombing of the United States Air Force housing complex in al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia in 1996. 

Iran is a country that sponsors terrorist groups, most notably Hezbollah. The supporting of these groups is not just ideological but also tactical. Iran funds groups that will weaken the countries around their borders which strengthens its security as it has a lower budget than other militaries in the region. 

It is the willingness of the Iranian Government to support such activities that makes Iran a larger threat if the country was to acquire nuclear weapons. If the threat that the United States fears is the state sponsorship of terrorism, then once again, a nuclear armed Pakistan poses a far greater risk than Iran. The Inter Services Intelligence Directorate (ISI) is the Pakistani intelligence agency that has known ties with a number of terrorist groups including one of the United States most sought after group Al-Qaeda.

“ISI and Pakistan have a long and intimate relationship with Osama bin Laden and his terrorist apparatus. Before 9/11, these ties included working together with the Taliban and the Kashmiri terror underground, often against India. Since 9/11, Pakistan has become an enemy of bin Laden and al Qaeda, but the environment Pakistan tolerates inside its borders has allowed bin Laden and al Qaeda to continue to operate there” (Riedel).

It should be noted that Osama Bin Laden, the United States most wanted man, was found hiding in Pakistan. Pakistan creates an environment for terrorist organisations that poses a direct risk to United States security. The Iranian Government has shown signs that they are willing to cut ties with terrorist organisations in the exchange for the acquisition of a nuclear program. This was shown with the failed talks with the EU-3 in 2004 known as the Paris Agreement. 

This agreement failed because of the influence the United States has on the European Union. The Bush Administration argued that Iran could possibly be building covert nuclear arms and that the talks were a way to gain time to build the weapons.
            
The accepting of one state that sponsors terrorism with Pakistan and the condemnation of another with Iran, who was attempting to cut ties with terrorist organisations, shows an evident hypocrisy of the United States foreign policy. The Pakistani Government works with the United States Government on issues of security. However, there are significant trust issues between the two governments. This came to light with the assassination of Osama Bin Laden. 

The United States Government withheld information about the covert attack on Bin Laden’s hideout. President Obama made this decision even though the Pakistani Government has stated in public that it will help the United States with their pursuit of al-Qaeda in Pakistan. As long as the Pakistani Government openly supports the United States, the United States will not act against Pakistan. This means Pakistan will not be pursued to dismantle their nuclear arsenal. 

Iran however will not be allowed to pursue the building of nuclear weapons because of the Government’s belligerence towards the United States. However, it is not feasible for the United States to take military action against Iran, unless the United States is provoked. There are a couple of reasons for this. 

The first is the strain the cost of war would bring on the United States economy. The cost of the two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq in the past decade has created a bill of $3.7 trillion and counting. With a rising debt number, the Government cannot afford to go into another expensive war. The second reason is popularity. No weapons of mass destruction were found when the United States invaded Iraq in 2003. It will be hard to sway public opinion to back the government into another war based on weapons of mass destruction. In the recent Presidential election, polls showed that war was very low down on issues that voters were concerned about. The focus on Iran might be an attempt by United States politicians to shift focus from unattractive issues such as the economy.

The United States regularly engage in actions to weaken the state of Iran. This goes against the ideology of liberal internationalism and is also proving to ineffective in the efforts to control the Iranian Governments actions.

Iran has been the subject of various United States backed economic sanctions since the seizure of the United States Embassy in Tehran in 1979. In the last decade these sanctions have intensified with the international concern over Iran’s nuclear program. The Department of the Treasury currently list 34 executive orders that restrict United States businesses from engaging in economic activity with the Iran. These sanctions are an attempt to economically cripple the Iranian economy to force the Iranian Government to halt their pursuit of a nuclear program,

“The latest round of US and international sanctions, passed this year, have gummed up the country's ability to sell crude oil, sending Iran's currency (the rial) to record lows and freezing its banks, including its central banks, from the routine transactions that make global commerce possible” (Murphy).

These attempts by the United States Government of destabilising the Iranian economy are part of its ‘complete sanctions regime’. The most recent proposed initiatives, that were the first since the re-election of President Obama, are the most widespread proposed sanctions to date. 

Sen. Mark Kirk and Sen. Robert Menendez want to attach to a defence bill that, “would target everything from Iranian assets overseas to all foreign goods that the country imports, building on the tough sanctions package against Tehran’s oil industry that the two lawmakers pushed through earlier this year [2012]” (Klapper). These fall in line with the Department of States view of what Iranian sanctions should achieve,

(1) to block the transfer of weapons, components, technology, and dual-use items to Iran’s prohibited nuclear and missile programs; (2) to target select sectors of the Iranian economy relevant to its proliferation activities; and (3) to induce Iran to engage constructively, through discussions with the United States, China, France, Germany, the United Kingdom, and Russia in the “E3+3 process” (Department of State).

These goals are to put a halt in the Iranian nuclear program. The United States Government have expressed that it will not tolerate a nuclear armed Iran. The House of Representatives has shown this with the passing of House Resolution 568 in May 2012. The resolution that was backed by the American Israeli Public Affairs Committee says that, “"containing" a nuclear Iran is not an option, and "urges the president to reaffirm the unacceptability of an Iran with nuclear-weapons capability"” (McArthur).
           
The United States sanctions on Iran are not exclusive to Iranian-American trade but also affect Iranian trade with other international countries. Despite this, there are countries that continue to trade with Iran in an effort to keep good diplomatic ties. 

South Korea has maintained a diplomatic relationship with Iran. South Korean Foreign Minister Kim Sung-hwan argued that, “We will continue with commodities trading using Iran's won-based accounts in South Korean banks […] we will also engage in cultural exchanges in preparation for the future when sanctions on Iran are lifted”. South Korea continues to trade items that are not part of the United States sanctions. 

The trading of items not on the sanctions list is problematic though as the United States has placed sanctions on financial institutions that deal with Central Bank of Iran. The National Defense Authorisation Act (NDAA) is the federal legislative law that implements these sanctions. It is reviewed on annual basis and put to vote by the House of Representatives. If passed, it is signed into law by the President. 

The NDAA is concerned with the defence of the United States and its interests abroad. In 2012. NDAA exemptions were given to countries that reduced their imports of Iranian oil. These exemptions meant that countries that reduce their reliance on Iranian imported oil would not be subjected to the United States oil sanctions in trading with Iran. 

The countries that do not have exemptions are the countries least dependent on Iranian oil, “The list did not include China and India, Iran's top two crude oil importers, nor U.S. allies South Korea and Turkey, which are among the top-10 consumers of Iranian oil” (Quinn). Countries that received exemptions in the 2012 NDAA include Japan and 10 European Union countries. 

The European Union has a large number of countries on the exemption list because of the implementation of an Iranian oil ban in the European Union on July 1st, 2012, “A European Union embargo on Iranian oil comes into effect on Sunday [July 1st, 2012] with Western governments hopeful economic pain will persuade Tehran to scale back its nuclear work but also mindful they are pushing against the limits of sanctions” (Pawlak). 

However, with China and India continuing to import Iranian oil to help ease their energy crisis, the Iranian Government will continue to have a large market to export to.
            
The effectiveness of economic sanctions against a country is still a widely debated topic in the academic world. There is uncertainty to how effective sanctions against a country can be. Sanctions are most effective when economic interdependence is low in the country that is being sanctioned, “when economic interdependence is low, sanctions are likely to be credible and insufficiently severe, making them more likely to be initiated. The result is that trade interdependence constrains the use of sanctions” (Lectzian). 

China continues to import Iranian oil despite United States and United Nations sanctions. China accounts for up to half of Iran’s oil exports, “At 15.5 million barrels a month, or roughly 520,000 barrels per day, China alone would account for almost half of Iran's total exports last estimated by the International Energy Agency at 1 million bpd in July [2012]” (Aizhu). 

Although the sanctions have not stopped China from importing oil, the volume of oil Iran will be able to export in the foreseeable future is uncertain. There has been unpredictability by the National Iranian Tanker Company to deliver to the Chinese market on time. The reason for the delay of shipments is a result of the 2012 NDAA sanction on financial transactions with Iran. European Companies will no longer insure the National Iranian Tanker Company and this is having effects on its operations. 

The United States sanctions are taking effect on crippling the Iranian economy. If Iran is unable to export oil effectively it will lose a significant source of revenue for the country. Even with interdependence between China and Iran, sanctions on Iran can affect its revenue. The United States sanctions have been designed so that the international community will decrease trade with Iran. This means in the event of a collapse in the economy of Iranian, it will have little effect on other economies due to the lack or absence of trade. In effect, the United States has created a sphere of economic containment with Iran. The most affected by the sanctions will be the Iranian population.

Obama's, 'Nixon goes to China' moment:

What can President Obama do in relation to Iran that would be equatable with Nixon going to China? 

The answer: he should buy Iranian oil. 

Iran's most prominent desire with a nuclear program is to create security, which it feels it lacks in the region. If Obama allows a significant investment of American oil companies in Iran, this will mean that America has a reason to be concerned for Iranian security, a crisis in Iran would lead to a crisis in the American oil supply and have a knock-on effect on the American economy. 

Easing sanctions on the country and becoming an economic partner with it would help break culture barriers. Up to 1979, Iran was the most 'Western' country in the Middle East, these cultural influences have not totally disappeared over the years. 

Even today, with 50% of the population under the age of 25, the days of the Shah ruled Iran are not present in the memory of a generation of Iranians, yet the Western influence still saturates their culture. 

Due to the increasing number of internet users in Iran [by-passed internet restrictions with the use of American software] and the presence of Western television due to satellite technology, there is an increasing large number of the public warming to American culture and way of life,

"They often  look warmly on the United States, which is quite dizzying. In  Pakistan, Afghanistan and Egypt, we Americans hand out billions of dollars in aid and are often hated. I come to Iran, and people hand me gifts!"

The dichotomy of a nation who largely supports the current anti-American government but are increasingly assimilated to American culture should be exploited by United States foreign policy makers.

Along with buying oil, Obama could allow light water nuclear reactors to be built in Iran [even go as far as building them for the Iranians as a gesture of goodwill]. These are nuclear reactors that have the ability to create energy for electricity but are unable to make nuclear weapons. If built the Iranians could agree to a third party security firm to oversee the security of the plants so the material could not fall into hands of a terrorist group who could use it to create a 'dirty bomb'. The United States have built these reactors for countries in the past, including North Korea, as a way of controlling the type of nuclear material being created around the globe. 

To carry this out though, Obama will need to guarantee the safety of Israel. To do this, an increase of a United States military presence in the country, could help reassure the nation of Israel and the pro-Israel lobby, that despite a 21st century détente with Iran it still has Israel's security interests as its top priority. President Obama would be unable to sell the strategy to the American public otherwise. 

Could President Obama pull a Nixon in his final term? It is unlikely in relation to Iran but if it were certain it would not be a 'Nixon going to China' moment. 











Tuesday, 16 April 2013

"Why Do They Hate Us?" - What Creates a Terrorist?

The attacks at the Boston Marathon that left 3 dead and more than 170 injured have entered into an FBI investigation. The perpetrators have not claimed responsibility yet. President Obama has been careful not to call the bombings a 'terrorist' attack but an Obama official has gone on record calling the attacks an 'act of terror'. 

Terrorism in American media can be seen as an iceberg. Only 10% of the problem is above water that can be seen, while the systemic foundation behind the causes is rarely addressed. 

"Why do they hate us?" is among the most famous of President George W. Bush's quotes in his two term presidency that saw his administration lead America into a 'war on terror'. Addressing the joint session of Congress on the 20th of September 2001 in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, he posed the rhetorical question. 

One he went onto answer:

"They hate what they see right here in this chamber: a democratically elected government. Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms: our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other."

This rhetoric was synonymous with the Bush Presidency and has managed to find its way into the Obama administration. This became evident after a UAV (drone) attack killed a Taliban Pakistani leader, Baitullah Mehsud. In retaliation, an American citizen Faisal Shahzad, placed a bomb at a busy intersection in Times Square, in response President Obama channeled his predecessor "who would attack our citizens and who would slaughter innocent men, women and children in pursuit of their murderous agenda’ and ‘will stop at nothing to kill and disrupt our way of life". The definition of terrorism in the eyes of the American Government and mass media is the use of fear to bring down American idealism. 

The attack on American idealism is an easy narrative to sell to the mass public in explaining terrorist attacks on American lives. It also helps to invoke patriotism in a time of crisis. This patriotism gathers a consensus from the public when it comes time to retaliate through the use of the military. However, the systemic issues contributing to terrorism are more complex in nature and are not always visible. I will examine two aspects from President Obama's foreign policy that maintain 'invisible' problems. To do this, I will look at an example of his administration's failure in 'hard power' solutions and in 'soft power' solutions.

The example from his 'hard power' initiatives can be seen in his use of UAVs. The realpolitik nature of drone warfare has been embraced by the Obama administration since he took office in January 2009. President Obama has order six times the number of drone strikes than his predecessor President Bush ordered. Drone strikes have been justified by the American Government mainly for two reasons. The first, is the cost effectiveness, it costs the American tax payer around $10.5 million a drone while a F-22 fighter jet can cost up to $150 million. The second, and frequent favourite by congressmen and senators in favour of drone warfare is that it lowers 'boots on the ground'. 

The casualties of drone warfare are hard to calculate, an academic in the field told me today that it can placed around 4,700 with only 2% being targets of worth or as the American intelligence agencies will call 'high value targets' (HVT). So who are the other 98%? This is where anti-American terrorism begins to get spawned. A drone strike is the condemnation of a suspected enemy who has not been tried by any justice system other than American intelligence gatherings. These gatherings are done through satellites that track known suspected terrorists. These satellite observations can go on for weeks to months. The daily routine of the suspected terrorist is monitored, any 'regular' contact that the suspected terrorist has with a member of the public automatically makes that member 'guilty by association'. 

Under the Military Commissions Act, it is illegal to provide "material support" to known terrorist suspect or organisations. This helps drone strikers legally kill innocent citizens (who make up the large amount of the 98%), for instance under the Military Commissions Act, an innocent shopkeeper is guilty by association if they sell a terrorist everyday groceries. This transaction is enough for a drone striker to legally blow up a shop if the suspected terrorist is in the store with shopkeeper. When intelligence reveals the innocence of the shopkeeper it is then put down as 'collateral damage'. These killings then help create a new generation of terrorists who can be orphaned or have their family torn apart because of a killing carried out by the American Government with no prior warning. 

The example from his 'soft power' initiatives can be seen with America's attitude to poverty. Poverty breeds terrorism. Out of the top 10 countries that received aid from America in 2011, three of them had significant terrorist organisations residing in their country that posed a risk to America. Out of those three, only one was not at war with America. Argentina's President Fernando de la Rua said about poverty, ``Unequal distribution causes frustration and despair ... and generates the conditions that give rise to conflicts and clashes where different types of fundamentalism are at work". If a government cannot provide the suitable economic conditions for its citizens to survive, the citizens will have to look elsewhere to gain the necessities they need to survive. 

Just as immigrants who could not find work in 19th century America joined gangs to provide income for their family, the poverty stricken in developing countries are joining or at least working for terrorist organisations to make a sustainable living. Afghanistan produces 90% of the world's supply of opium. This is a major cash cow for the Taliban who after a decade of war with United States still remain intact in the region. This is a $60 billion industry for the Taliban and helps funds their war effort. 

The Taliban recruit farmers in the cultivation of the poppy which produces opium. These farmers have little other choice but to grow the crop. Generations of families have become dependent on the crop as a means of survival. No other industry is as lucrative in the region due to lack of infrastructure. Although Afghanistan receives more aid than any other country from America, it has fallen short to help combat the strong drug industry. This is because the aid is not enough to sustain the war torn country which is ravaged by corruption and misuse of funds. 


(FIG 1. Opium Production in Afghanistan, 1994-2010)

American intervention in Afghanistan has not hindered the production of opium but in fact has nearly tripled it since arriving in the country. If they are serious about tackling the funding for the Taliban, America need to address the opium production. More humanitarian aid will be needed along with education and a functioning infrastructure in order to wean farmers off the poppy as the choice of crop. Once this is done the military can eradicate the crop in the region and cripple the stable flow of cash that the Taliban get out of this industry. 

While there are a large number of reasons that can be answered to President Bush's statement, "why do they hate us?", I highlight these two examples to show why and how. There are a large number of other factors to name such as cultural, economic and ideological. These examples are at the core of America's terrorist problems. One can only hope they will be addressed soon and with competency. 

Monday, 15 April 2013

The Slaughter House


“Norman!!” screamed a young woman. “Here comes the second!”. There was pandemonium, there always is when new arrivals come to the farm. Its was late on one cold, frosty and wet Sunday evening.

I was the second to be born, merely seconds into my new life and already a reoccurring theme had emerged. I would never be the winner only the runner-up.

In total there was eight of us born that night but only three of us survived long enough to sustain somewhat of an existence in this farm yard. My brother Kane was born first, a little fact that he liked to remind us as if this made him superior. Kane and I were constantly in competition our whole lives. This was a strange occurrence as normally pigs by nature are not competitive creatures, we usually try to help one another as a community to better the group. Kane and I though, we spent the best years of our lives snout to snout trying to get the upper hand. A completely futile rivalry now as I gaze upon it in retrospect. Our other sibling Moses was the fourth born that cold Sunday. He never took part in our petty squabbling for I think he saw no point to it.

He was a very laid back pig ever since he was a little piglet. I remember asking him once why he never got involved in the everyday goings on in the farm, he would just look at me and told me, “idleness is the key to a happy life”.

Some might say his outlook on life was admirable but in the animal kingdom an idle ideology only leads to a short and swift life. Moses would discover this after two years of his time on the earth. He met his demise in spectacular fashion though it must be said, never before had a pig showed so much guts.

For the first two years of my life I always remembered the latch on the farm yard gate was  faulty and it didn't take too much effort for us to open the gate.  A gentle nudge would send it flying open. On one cold October afternoon, our inattentive farm owner Norman Morgan had begun to harvest the crops. As this was going on Moses was becoming overwhelmed with boredom, this is a usual occurrence with pigs, it is kind of inevitable when being kept in captivity for such a long duration of time.

Moses had an idea of staging a farm break by pushing the gate to unhinge the faulty latch. The second that gate sprung open, he gathered so much momentum with the use of his four legs that it was like watching a stallion.

Since Moses spent the best part of his life as an idle soul he didn't acquire the same amount of attentiveness as the rest of us naturally acquired. This wasn't a big deal for him as he was secure and sheltered in the farm yard. Now though he was in the big bad world where you look both ways before crossing the road or a corn field in this case.

As he was dashing through the field with all his strength that God had blessed him with, Moses was oblivious to the intoxicated Norman Morgan operating the combine harvester on the field.
Well lets just say that pig went head to head with machine and only one came out unharmed. Yes the machine stayed fully intact unlike Moses.

A mist of freshly cut blood drizzled on Freddy’s windscreen and the crops. It must be said it was a beautiful arrangement of gold, red and pink.
It was like something you would see from a Quentin Tarantino action sequence, but for some reason the way the afternoon light hit those blood soaked crops it turned out to be a truly magnificent spectacle of surrealist art.

What Moses didn't realise was that his last act of insubordination would lead to one of the 20th century's most artistic masterpieces. A young man by the name of James Steele happened to be flying a single-engined aircraft over the Morgan’s farm that afternoon taking photographs of the countryside.

He spotted the wreckage of Moses’ great escape and snapped the most recognised photograph of that year. The only tragedy of that photograph (besides the premature demise of my sibling) was the name James christened the photograph with. It was tastefully titled “Blood Dusted Corn”. 

At this stage I should probably tell you what became of my other siblings. To do this I am going to revert our attention back to that cold November Sunday. I remember it so clearly, my eyes were stinging as light began to burn onto my irises for the first time.

By the time I settled down and focused I could see all of us sitting in the straw. Kane and Moses sat to my right hand side while the five others were to my left. I didn't particularly grow close to the others probably because of the short duration we got to spend in each others company.

They didn't even last long enough to be given names on this earth. Our mother, she never really coped with the whole motherhood ordeal very well. On the fifth night of my time on the earth I awoke.

My eyes shot open, it was as if I had a sixth sense for impending danger. My heart was beating twice its normal rate. I felt the adrenaline running through my veins and the bitter taste in my mouth, a side effect of the adrenaline taking its course. 

There were screams blasting out the barn, with the echoes ricocheting against the walls. As they hadn't seen the dark before, my eyes had trouble making out anything in the blackness which seemed to blanket the barn.

All I knew were screams, horrible screams, perpetual screams that were drummed into my brain and would come to haunt me throughout my life, during the darker hours of night when I would try to rest.

I was spared the spectacle of what went on that night because I was pulled to safety by the farmers young daughter Katie, along with Moses and Kane. The only one of two times in my life we were taken up to Norman the farmer's house.

It was warm as if the heat of the summer were surrounding us in the middle of November. We waited to be reunited with our other siblings, but this wait unknown to us at the time would be everlasting.

The next morning we awoke to the sun cutting through the centre of the badly drawn curtains in what appeared to be some utility room. After about an hour or so waiting in that room, Katie appeared and led us back to our home.

The barn looked cleaner than we remembered and new straw had been laid down. It was odd, it was too clean, barns aren’t this clean, it was immaculate, it made the three of us feel uneasy as if we were in a morgue.

With a quick surveillance of the farm we looked for our siblings and mother but to no avail. This was when we had our first encounter with a fellow animal on the farm that was not a pig . Mildred was her name. She was a cow, that’s not a commentary on her personality, she was a cow. The thing about cows that you should know is they lack any appealing personality traits. They are about as plain as a cheese pizza.
She always just moped around the farm and when ever she spoke to you it was to deliver you bad news. Well the news she had this day was as bad as it gets.

As Kane, Moses and myself, laid in the fresh straw, Mildred waddled her way to us. Even her walk lacked character.

As she came closer to us I began to move a few inches back as I was afraid of being trampled on. She came closer and stopped. There was a long pause, I stared at her and she returned the eye contact with her expressionless face.

She began to talk.

“Your mother has been taken away, she probably wont be coming back.”

No introduction, typical Mildred. Kane took it upon himself to be the spokesperson for us “what do you mean probably wont be coming back?” She sighed.

As she let out a breath, you could see it coming from her nostrils as the warmth hit the cold air. “They took her away, that means one thing around here, she’ll be rashers and sausages by the end of the week”.
With that she gave a nod of her big dull head and began to turn. I followed her, but threaded carefully as I felt the clumsy clots would step on me. 

“Why did they take her away and where are the rest of our siblings”.
She stopped and this time looked annoyed “Look you can’t just do what she did, even us animals have some standards.” I did not know what was going on and as I asked more questions I became upset, I just wanted my mom.

Mildred finally said “Norman and his daughter took her away, you cant just eat your own children like that and expect to be kept on in this place.”
I looked at her in disbelief “what you mean ‘eat’?” She sighed again.

At this point I was getting so wound up that if she did that sigh one more time I would hurt her. Now looking back though there was not much I could do to her, physically cows have the advantage against pigs but we are the slightly more intelligent creatures so it balances out.

Mildred said “She ate them, you know like as if they were dinner. It’s not uncommon. If the mother doesn't bond with the children it inevitably happens. It’s not her fault. You little shits must have been difficult to raise. Five days you were here and you drove her crazy. I saw the aftermath of this place, there were carcases everywhere and the worst part is I think I stood on a loose eye, when I stepped inside to suss out what the commotion was. That’s why this barn is so clean. They were out all night scrubbing it down. They completely cleared out the place, it was the only way they made sure that they got every little piece of your siblings out of here. You three were lucky the farmers daughter was out tending to the horses otherwise you would have been nothing more than digested dinner now. Oh yeah, I was suppose to tell you your Grandfather said he would come by later after you get some sleep. He wants to look after you now that your alone.”
Mildred continued to walk away leaving the three of us in a state of disbelief.

So that was the story of our first week on the farm, it would be safe to say what happened to us was not at all groovy. The three of us made a pact though not to let it destroy our lives and we tried to carry on living to our full potential. We would have been lost souls on the farm if it were not for the intervention of our Grandfather.

He went by the name Homer. He was one of the oldest and most respected animals on the farm. Everyone admired him. He was always wise beyond his years and as his years caught up with his wisdom, he became admired more on the farm.

He never did one thing for himself, when he acted it was to help a fellow animal. He took care of the three of us for the first year of our lives. This was unusual as most pigs are not privileged enough to meet their grandparents and also the male pig never wants anything to do with their children let alone their grandchildren. 

We were still in the farm after Mildred the cow’s announcement. She told us to sleep but you would have to excuse our paranoia when we did not get any. The last time we slept in this barn we were living appetisers. Just the thoughts of being digested by stomach acid makes me shiver.

I wondered when our mother ate our fellow brothers and sisters, was she able to eat the snouts and the hooves? I can imagine they were crunchy.

Moses eventually went to sleep but Kane and I, were wide awake. We just laid there in the straw staring into each others eyes.

It began to shower outside. The rain was always felt in the barn. The Tin roof on top amplified the sound.
Just then a medium sized pig ran into the barn. For some reason his presence was striking. I was in awe of him but I could not say why. He stood there and looked down on us. It was at this moment Moses began to stir.

It was a strange moment as we all just stared at each other. Normally when we meet a stranger Kane would be the first to talk, he would like to draw the attention onto himself. 

The pig appeared as though he was thinking of what to say.
With a slight smirk on his face he said “So then there were three.”

We were all taken back by this. It was as if he took some amusement out of what happened to us. We would come to realise though he was trying to cheer us up. People really do say the oddest things to you after a dramatic event. Things like “Are you ok?” and you just think to yourself, well no my mother just tried to eat me but I will put on a charade and say yes so you don’t feel like a complete moron for asking a stupid question.

To hear ‘then there were three’ though was nice difference, and that’s what Granddad  Homer was best at, putting a different outlook on life.

Granddad Homer Looked after us in that barn for about six months. It must have been somewhere in the middle of May when he said to us “I think its about time I took all of you for a trip around the farm and introduce you to the other animals.”

This was big, very big. We had been stuck in that barn for half a year now only leaving once to stay the night in that utility room.

During our captivity in the barn, Granddad  Homer would pass the time telling us stories about the other animals on the farm. We had gathered enough information on all the inhabitants to get a general idea of what they were like.

The only problem is we didn't know what any of them looked like. The only animal we had an encounter with was Mildred the cow. Granddad  assured us that all the animals were friendly enough, except one or two who we would have to watch out for.

The reason why we had not left the barn is because Granddad  Homer was overprotective of us. He never expressed it but I felt he blamed himself for us nearly getting killed that night.
He wanted us to be fully developed before we stepped into the farm world. He was so protective he would not let any animals into the barn as he felt emotionally we were not ready for the interaction.

So the day was finally here. The first time in my life I felt what excitement was like. The door of the barn was closed over to keep the sunlight out, but it was left ajar so that we could get in and out one at a time.
“Ok line up in a line” said Granddad  Homer with a smile. I was first in line to go but just as I was going out, Kane pushed me to the side and ran out.

The little shite could never wait his turn. His arrogance really got to me sometimes. I could just see him out there with that filthy smirk on his face.

Moses was behind me and told me to just ignore him, that one day his self-centeredness will lead him into trouble. Moses never really let the little things in life get to him, it's as if his mind was thinking about the bigger picture.

I regained my composure after Kane’s incident and took my first step outside.

The sun was out and there was not a cloud in sight. The breeze coming over the farm was refreshing and my eyes needed time to adjust to the vast landscape that stood before me. After six months of just staring at four walls in a cramped farm you can imagine what a culture shock it was looking out at mountains in the distance.
Kane was running ahead  and Moses was strolling behind me. He was in awe of the landscape and you could see it in his eyes he wanted to explore.

Granddad  Homer shouted for all of us to gather around him.

“This is your first time out, I don’t want any of you wondering off by yourselves. Although we are fenced into the farm there are still dangers out here that you are not ready to face.”

He made us promise to stick by him for the duration of the tour, which we obliged to as we were fearful of the dangers that were unknown to us. Well Kane and I were but Moses wanted to explore, you could see it in him. If he wasn't fenced in, he would be testing the limits of how far a pig can go.

The first thing that struck me about the farm is how segregated the animals were. From what I could see at first glance there was no interaction. One would think if we are all in the same enclosed area we might as well try and get along.

This didn't happen though, I never understood the politics of it but there was one thing all the animals agreed on and that there had to be a leader.
The leader in question was Granddad  Homer. He was voted in when he was just a year old. The leader on the farm might not sound like much but it does hold a weight of responsibility.

Granddad  Homer would settle disputes between animals, keep up general morale and was in charge of setting up some sort of security arrangements, in case of attacks from a fox or other predators.
It made me proud to think that the only thing the cows, chickens, pigs and horses had in common on the farm was my Granddad  Homer.

Our first stop on the tour of the farm was to talk to the chickens. Now Granddad  had always warned us that chickens by nature are very unstable. They are very sensitive and it does not take a lot to send them running in circles with anger or panic. He told us that when we first talk to them it would be for the best to respond to any questions with a yes or no answer and not to elaborate. 

We walked up to them with Granddad  leading the way. He was proud of us you could see that in his face as he strolled around the farm. There are five chickens on the farm but only two were to be seen today. Granddad  strolled up to them.

“Hello Rocky and Richard.” They did not seemed impressed by this intrusion and I felt there was a tension in the air. They looked around and eventually grunted with a “Hey Homer.”
Their grunt was followed by what seemed to be an eternity of silence. Granddad  eventually began to move on, while the three of us began to walk, we looked back at the chickens.
Granddad  whispered to us as we moved along “as I said chickens are temperamental”.

There was not that much in the farm to speak highly of. No stand out features that would distinguish it from the next farm. Everything was plain, a typical barn, silo and next to where the animals were kept was the crop field. Norman Morgan was unusual in that way as a lot of farmers don’t grow crops and rear animals simultaneously.

As we marched through the mud of the farm yard, my brothers and I noticed Norman’s house. It was a modest sized house, with three bedrooms, a kitchen, living room and a utility room. It was probably the smallest house in the area. From the yard we could see other houses way into the distance, these houses are about two to three times the size of Norman’s.

As we gazed upon Norman’s house we noticed he was loading items into his truck. Running around his legs as he tried slam his boot door shut was a golden Labrador.

Granddad  Homer had filled us in on who the dog was.

His name was Checkers, he was Norman Morgan’s pride and joy. The legend goes he loved that dog more than his own daughter Katie.

Granddad  said that Checkers had been around for about the same time as he has. Checkers was given his name after Richard Nixon’s dog. Norman was a devoted Republican. He was not shy about it either, he proudly hung the official White House Portraits of Eisenhower and Reagan over his mantle piece in between pictures of his daughter and late wife.

I never really understood why one could have such devotion to a political party. I just did not understand how someone could make up their mind on a issue just because your party tells you to.

Norman used to have a Gerald Fords portrait hanging beside Eisenhower’s and  Reagan’s but subsequently took it down after Ford spoke out against the Republican parties stance on homosexuality.

Granddad  Homer always said that the most hated animal amongs the other animals are dogs. The expression ‘Mans best friend’, well to us that’s just brown nosing. Dogs do not get along with most other animals besides humans.

They are sly and untrustworthy. They will only abide by human rule because that’s where the good life lies. It may be the good life but it’s the cowards way out, sure you get everything handed to you on plate but it comes at a cost of your independence and dignity.

Now Checkers, he was your typical dog, never more than three feet away from Norman at all times. He was loyal to him and was despised by us animals on the farm. It did not bother him too much though as he rarely interacted with us.

Checkers may have had what appeared to be the good life of the animals but it came at a price. Ever since his wife died, Norman had become a heavy drinker.

Most times he would drink till he passed out but every now and then he would get aggressive with the drink. Checkers was usually on the receiving end of this aggression. He acted as an emotional punching bag for Norman. At times we would feel sorry for Checkers especially when we would see him limp about.
Granddad  said there was a time when Norman had been drinking and decided to take Checkers for a walk. He had put a leash on him and tried to put him in the car. Unknown to Norman, Checkers had climbed out of the car door before Norman had closed it. As Norman shut the door the leash got caught in the door.
Norman entered the car and turned on the engine. The car radio was at full volume so when Checkers begun to howl as the car was put into motion, Norman did not hear it. The farm has a long drive way and by the time the Norman had reached the end of it the car was going at a speed Checkers could not keep up with and he was being dragged along the path.

What saved poor Checkers life was the narrow gates at the entrance. With the drink Norman had consumed his spacial awareness had  deteriorate and he crashed into the left hand side of the gate.

The car came to a stop and so did Checkers. He was badly injured but managed to pull through. Despite all this he kept at Norman's side his whole life. He probably did not know what else to do, if your raised like that since birth you just assume that’s how life is.

The tour of the farm ended quite uneventful. None of the animals seemed interested in meeting us but we enjoyed getting a glimpse of the outside world.

On our way back to the barn we bumped into Mildred the cow. We were not her biggest fans but Granddad  had asked us to be nice to her as they were friends for many years.

We were polite when we bumped into her. Granddad and her had a chat for a bit.

Later on that night when Kane and Moses had fallen asleep I got talking to Granddad  Homer.
This was the first time we ever had a talk without Kane or Moses being around.

“I’m not going to be around for much longer you know” said Granddad optimistically. Old people are like that. Whenever you talk to them it is only a matter of minutes before they start predicting their own death.

“I’m getting old. I can feel it when I walk. I have long passed my expiration date at this stage. I never thought I would make it this far, I was sure they take me away like they did with the rest of them.” Granddad  now was getting tired, you could see the lids on his eyes begin to droop but he forced himself to perk up as if what he had to tell me was of importance.

“When I go son”, great he is back to talking about death. “Someone will need to take over and you’re the one I am going to recommend to the other animals. I do not trust your brother Kane, he is too self-centred and Moses I do not think he would have what it takes to be a leader.”

He looked scared telling me these things. Maybe he is sleep deprived and will regret this conversation in the morning but there was more he needed to say. I waited in silence for him to say what he had to say.

“This stays between us, promise me what I am about to tell you will never get to your brothers or any other pig that stays on this farm as long as you live.”

I was a bit taken back by this and said “Ok”. This was not solid enough for him. “I need your word on this”. He stared at me intensely. “Granddad  you have got my word, I will not utter a sentence to another pig”.

All of a sudden I realised this was not him messing about he had something serious to tell me and he was putting all his trust in me.

“When I was a young piglet, I would say no more older than you are now, I discovered something about the farm. It is a rarity for us pigs to grow old here. Most of us are taken away in our prime never to be heard of again. Your mother for example. One day when I was wondering about, Norman came in to the barn. He was in such a hurry, I always remembered how fast he was in and out. I was outside of the barn and as he came running out he had one of the pigs that had been living here in his arm. He was a lot stronger in his younger years and had no problem picking us up. He ran out in such a hurry he forgot to lock the gate properly. I managed to nudge it open to get out. I was giddy, I had never left the yard before, I felt there was endless possibilities to explore now that I was not caged. As I wandered about I heard the pig he took squealing in the distance. I ran to see what the problem was but by the time I got there it was all over”.

There was a tear in Granddad's eye as he told the story and he was choked up. I asked him “what was over?”

He stared at me straight in the eyes and said “they had killed him”.

I felt my heart beat fast as I realised that we were all destined to be slaughtered. This scared me. I was not scared of dying but I was scared that I would not be able to die on my own terms. Old age was how I imagined it not by a blade of a drunken farmer. 

Despite the shocking revelation of last night, I did get a good nights sleep. As the information sank, I realised my time was limited on the earth. It was not the shortage of time that got me angry though, it was the fact that my life and my brothers' life could be taken away from us at any moment without a word of warning.

It was this lack of control I could not handle. It seemed unfair and as I walked out into the sunny farm yard the world did not appear to be as pleasant as it did when I stepped out the previous morning.

The thoughts of my impending murder had to be put on hold as my attention was interrupted by the high pitched giggling of Kane and Moses. I walked over to them to see what the commotion was all about. As I got closer I asked them “what’s going…” but before I finished I could see where the humour was coming from.

The three of us stood there trying to suppress our laughter as Mildred the cow was lying on her back. I really did not think it was possible but she looked unhappier than she usually did. The three of us walked up to her to ask what had happened.

“Hey Mildred” said Kane. “You do know your on your back” pointed out Moses smugly.

Mildred was kicking the air but it was of no use as she was not able to get back up.
“I’m well aware of my situation” droned Mildred.

At this stage Kane and Moses were in ruptures of laughter and I have to admit I may of giggled a bit as well. I eventually asked “What happened to you Mildred?”

I never thought this moment would ever come where I would actually devote all my attention to what Mildred the cow had to say. This by far was going to be the most interesting thing she would have to say to us.

She sighed “If you must know, last night some humans crept into the farm and pushed me over, they call it cow tipping.” This was brilliant I thought to myself. Although I did not wish her harm, I felt some comeuppance was in order for the blunt way she told us what our mother had done.

She sighed again “When a cow is pushed onto their back we cannot get back up, that’s why they do it. They get some sick pleasure out of it.”

Kane and Moses were very unsympathetic about her situation, they eventually lost interest and left her there. For some reason I could not explain I did feel sorry for her. She seems like she carries a great sadness with her. I stayed with her until one of the Morgans noticed her and helped her.

It was during this period of waiting that I really got to know her and realised she had some personality that she hid from the world.

We shared stories. Personal stories, I told her things there that I never told anyone before. I told her how I felt about my mom, how I feel about Granddad  and how I don’t seem to be able to bond with my brothers.

As I opened up with her, she opened up as well and I got to the root of her problems. I found out why she was so upset and uninterested in life. It all happened when she lost her four week-old. 

She told me “She was only four weeks old and I didn't see her, I had been standing around all day and was tired. She was not in my sight so I thought it be alright to lay down. What I didn't know she was right underneath me and as I sat down I crushed her to death. I go over the moment every day of my life. I try to blame it on sleep deprivation but I realise I was just careless. Maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother.”

It was at this moment I really did feel bad for her. There she was lying on her back telling me her dark secrets. I did not know what to say to her, what can you say to a mother who sat on their child?

So I just sat there and did not say a word. I just let her speak. I think that’s what she needed most, to say how she felt out loud. To stop going over it in her head, to shout it out and let someone else hear it.

It was just then I realised that when the Morgan’s come and help Mildred, we will never have this connection again. She will never be this vulnerable again to feel the need to open up and when she is back standing we will go back to being strangers once more.

Eight months had passed since that morning of Mildred’s falling over. The kids that did it to her came back two more times to do it again. After the second time my brothers found it less funny and began to feel sympathy for her.

I still carried the weight of knowing we are all going to be slaughtered in the end but I did not dwell on it so much. I felt if it was out of my control then worrying about it was not going to change anything.

I went on with my life under the guidance of my grandfather who’s health had begun to deteriorate. He was slowing down and did not like to leave the barn anymore.

My brothers and I did not want to admit to it but his days were numbered. If the topic of Granddad ’s health came up we would just try to play down the severity of it by saying stuff like “Ah he is the type of pig that will out live all of us”.
I wished this were true but it was not. That cold January day when we all came into the barn after being out, changed everything.

We entered the barn on high spirits after being out playing for the afternoon when we noticed him. He laid there as if he were sleeping.  He was so still, so at peace but so lifeless. None of us said a word, the silence says it all in these situations. We left him there as he was. Nobody touched or disturbed him.

That night we slept outside. Not an easy thing to do in the middle of January but we could not bare to stay in the barn. Since it was late, the Morgan’s wont find him until the next day.

What made that night more unbearable was the never ending northern wind. It made the cold worse with the air being forced against us. We found Mildred outside, we let her know what had happened. It was the first time since that talk we had that I had seen her show any emotion.

She helped us out that night by lying down and letting us sleep behind her for shelter. The next morning Norman found Granddad  Homer in the barn and wheeled him out on a wheel barrel.

It was such a undignified ending to a pig who had such a profound effect on my life. Up to this point of my life, I had never had been closer to a living creature than my Granddad . It broke my heart to seem him wheeled away like a sack of potatoes.

I always looked back on the death of my Granddad. What struck me was I always had this notion that the day he died we would be by his side. We would be there to see him through it all. I thought it would be this big dramatic moment where he would exchange his final words of wisdom before he departed.

This was not the case though. He left us on such an average day. To be honest I can not remember the last thing he said to me or even if it was of any importance. Life rarely played out the way I had made out it in my head.

Two months had passed since Granddad  died. We had been getting on with our lives and we were managing just fine on our own. It was not easy but we made the best of what we had.

This time of getting along was about to be disrupted when the issue of who will take over from Granddad  as the pig in charge of looking after all the animals. Kane was adamant that he was going to take over. I remembered what Granddad  had said and how he did not want Kane in charge. I felt I had to take over in his honour.

We clashed heads when I said I should be in charge. Moses took no interest in the squabble and did not throw his name in the running. Kane and I fought day and night about who will take over.
It was then that Moses threw some input into the discussion. I think his peace solution was not for the better of the farm but more so he could get some sleep without out us waking him up from the noise of fighting.

His solution was simple and probably the fairest way of sorting this out. He suggested that all the animals vote on who they want in charge. We both agreed. It was in my favour anyway as I had been regularly talking to the animals since Granddad  died. Kane rarely interacted with the other animals and they saw him as arrogant.

We had the vote and it was unanimous in my favour. Kane did not take the vote gracefully and became spoilt brat.

“Kane its done get over it” I said trying to calm him down. “This is not fair I’m the oldest” he shouted. “Yeah by about two minutes, doesn't mean you're leader material. Look they voted me in. The majority wants me in charge.” I have never seen him so wound up before.

“Just because the majority voted you in does not mean you’re the right person to be in charge. The majority of people voted Hitler into power and look how that turned out.” When he gets dramatic he has to exaggerate. Well I think most people would agree comparing me to a evil dictator that committed mass genocide is a slight exaggeration.

“First of all Hitler did not have the majority of the vote” I said staring at him intensely.

“What? Of course he did, how else did he get power?” said Kane stomped by my revelation.

“He was invited to be Chancellor by Hindenburg”. Kane looked at me “Who’s Hindenburg?”.

“He was the German President at the time” Kane stared back at me “If he was President than what is a Chancellor?” I was growing impatient of Kane’s lack of education.

“Chancellor its like a Prime Min… you know what it doesn't matter. I won get over it.” It was at that very moment my life stood still. Kane was going on about something but I took no notice. His words were all static as I looked over to the barn gate.

This was the day I first saw her.

Since our Granddad  died and the fact all the remaining pigs on the farm were male, the future of repopulating the farm with swine looked bleak. That was until Norman added some newbies.

As Kane was shouting about the election I could see her. There was four of them added to the farm that day but the other three were irrelevant.

I left the yard where Kane was venting out. I approached her with such caution. I was nervous, my legs were slowing down and I began to shake a little. I eventually put myself together again and approached her.

In all the commotion of trying not to be nervous I forgot I would have to say something to her. She could see me now and as I slowly approached closer there was already embarrassment building up in me. My head was confused, I could not think of anything to say and as I stood face to face to her I blurted out.

“Hello!” well this was followed by not the most comfortable silence ever.

I thought hello was a good of way as any to start a conversation. She rolled her eyes and walked away leaving me standing there for the first time in my life heart broken.

Alright, maybe heart broken was a exaggeration but I did feel bad and this was not helped by Kane’s mocking. Bitter about the election he had lost and over hearing the conversation he had spread a new nickname around the farm which was simply ’Hello’.

I know it was not the most witty name he could come up with but God love him he does try his best.
I really did not mind when people called me this because I always felt I did not have an identity. So it felt nice to be known as the ‘Hello Guy’. It became a inside joke of the farm for animals to come up and say “Hello” stand there and walk away.

I tried a few more romantic advances towards Queen Latifah (Norman's daughter named her) over the following three months. One or two times she did talk back to me but I really think it was out of pity. She would not take notice of me until a particular event that changed everything.

The month of May had come around again and summer had arrived. It had been three months since the election and I was doing an alright job if I say so myself. I was a lot busier these days. I was always on the look out for the other animals well being. When I had some free time I would pursuit Queen Latifah.

She still refused me but I felt I was wearing her down. Yes it did occur to me that after three months, to still be going after her could be considered stalking in many civilised parts of the world.

I was beginning to think I only wanted her  because I couldn't have her. I felt that maybe I was more in love with the chase. I fell for her the second I saw her but I have come to realise I do not like her anymore or less since that day. We have had some long conversations but nothing that qualify them as meaningful.

She was nice but she didn't warrant the majority of my attention. I always felt like a different pig around her. Like I was putting on a act. This scared me because I hoped she didn't fall for this guy I was pretending to be.

Ever since the election Moses had become very distant from the group. He liked to keep to himself. Which was alright by me but the others felt he was being rude. I had been asked to go and talk to him. Something which I didn't feel was necessary but I did anyway.

He left the barn early that morning so I had to go and search for him. It was another beautiful summers day without a cloud in sight. I spotted him on the edge of the farm, he was just there lying down, looking out with his snout against the fence.

As I walked up to him I said “Hey”. He smiled back and asked me to sit with him.
“Your spending a lot of time by yourself these days” I said bluntly but not in a aggressive way. He continued to smile.

“I don’t fit in here, you know that. I’m not harming anyone by keeping to myself.” He started to move his head to get himself more comfortable.

“I don’t mind how you spend your days but the others are worried about you.”

There was a pause. There always is a pause of silence when I am talking to people.

“Can I ask you something?” I decided to break the silence.
“What do you think of when you're out here by yourself?” His facial expressions expressed happiness as if he had been waiting to be asked this question.

“Nothing” he said. “Nothing at all” he laughed.

I smiled mainly because I can relate to it. “Are you sure it's nothing?” I said trying to get deeper into his world.

“Well, I do think about out there. You know beyond this fence. One of these days I will get out of here. I hate being caged in. I just want to run out and hide away from the world forever.”

Some might say he sounded depressed. To me, I admired him. There is nothing more appealing than just running as far away as possible from the area you grew up in. Just to take off and be by yourself, where you have no chance in meeting a soul that knows who you are.

“I understand” I said.
We both just laid there in the grass for about half an hour in complete silence. It was the most comfortable silence I ever had.

The silence was broken when Moses noticed something about the Norman’s house. The front porch is where Checkers slept. He was a lively dog even in his old age. He never slept during the day and never laid down for more than ten minutes.

Today though he had been lying still ever since I arrived to talk to Moses. We had seen this stillness before with Granddad  Homer. We did not say it but we knew Checkers was lying on that porch dead.

That night I was in the barn early before the other pigs had returned. I was thinking about Checkers and how lonely he must have been to die on the front porch like that.

The porch is where you greet and welcome visitors as they enter the home. The only person Checkers greeted into the house today was the Grim Reaper.

Norman Morgan took the death of Checkers very hard. Since he lost his wife and his daughter moved out, Checkers was his only companion.

I felt bad for him but also remembered the stories of abuse Checkers suffered at the hands of Norman’s alcohol fuelled aggression. This was when I thought it might be for the best that Checkers had left us.

As I was thinking about all this the barn door swung open. That moment my heart pounded so hard I could hear the beat of it in my ear. There stood six feet high Norman Morgan.

This was it, this was how it was going to end. My trip to the kitchen table for dinner was only moments away.

Norman stormed in and looked around the barn. He saw me. He moved his way over to me. With every step he took, the straw under his feet would crunch. If pigs could sweat I would imagine there would be a pool of water dripping from me at this moment.

I could smell the alcohol from him. He was reeking of whiskey. I felt my seconds on this earth were about to be numbered.

He looked down on me and smiled. He picked me up. I tried to escape but the hold on me was to tight. For a middle-aged man he is deceptively strong.

This was it, there was nothing I could do now. He marched up to the house with me in his arms. I squealed and squirmed but it was of no use. He had done this a thousand times before.

We got to the kitchen. Something was odd. Surely he would not do it here. There would be blood everywhere. I was still in a state of panic but something told me that maybe it's not what I think it is.

He put me down in the corner of the kitchen where an empty dog bowel was placed. He slurred out a sentence “Now sit tight Checkers while I fix you your dinner”.

Checkers? Great he is delusional, he thinks I am the dog. Well actually I thought to myself, this could work out cause it is seriously frowned upon to kill a dog in this country.

He gave me some dog food in the bowel. It actually wasn't that bad. We never get wet food down in the barn its always the dry pellet stuff. This was like a gourmet meal.

As the night steadily went on I could see he was a severely troubled man.

He got out some sort of chicken dinner from the fridge. He begun to eat it and it was painful to watch him.
Middle-aged and all alone. Pining after his recently deceased dog. He looked like a man that had been through enough for one life time.

As I laid there watching him eat his dinner the only thing that kept us company were the various sounds of the house.

There was a clock on the wall that constantly ticked with every second going by. Every time he put the fork into his mouth there was click of the metal hitting his front teeth. It made the hairs on my back stand up.

'Tic, toc, tic, click'. It was an unbearable sound arrangement. Though it was not as bad as when he spoke.

“You would never leave me would you Checkers.” Eh, sure? I thought to myself. I did not move I was afraid of him. I felt he was on the verge of going ballistic.

He lit up a pipe and fell asleep on the kitchen table. I fell asleep soon after and that was the last I remember of that night.

The next morning I remember being abruptly awoken. Norman picked me up in his arms again like he did the night before and marched me back down to the farm yard.

This time though he did not bother placing me gently on the ground but merely dropped me over the gate. Us pigs don’t take any type of fall well. Our legs lack any flexibility and since our stomachs drag against the ground at the best of times, we get seriously winded when dropped from a height of more than two feet.

As I laid in the wet mud trying get my breath back, I noticed Queen Latifah was beside me. She must have crept up. I did not see her coming.

“I’m glad you're not dead” she said with a warm smile on her face.

“Eh ,thanks I suppose”, I replied as I tried to get some air into me. She moved in a bit closer to me.

“You're kind of cute when you're all helpless like this. I do mean it though I am glad he didn't kill you last night. I have grown quite fond of your nervous chat up lines” she sat beside me. How did she know about the killings, I thought I was the only one who knew. I didn't dwell on this too much, in fact I never thought about it again. She was talking to me, not saying the nicest things but none-the-less she was talking to me.

“I always felt you thought of me as some sort of loser” I said not really caring at this stage because I lost all my dignity after being dropped from the gate.

“Well yeah your are, but that doesn't mean your not a cute loser.” It was at this moment I would have given my tail not to be winded.

I tried to speak but I think all my words fell out of me after that fall. She slowly moved over to me and rested her cheek on my back as I recovered. I started to smile and she returned it with a bigger smile.

For the next six months we were inseparable. I mean I followed Queen Latifah around everywhere. There was nothing we didn't do together. Kane and Moses made the whip lash sound when they saw us walking by but it didn't bother me at all.

For the first time in my life things were going right. It's as if she lifted the weight of all of the things that I knew.

It was not long before things got more serious. As we headed into the winter it meant mating season. Before we knew it, Queen LAtifah was pregnant.

Everything had gone so fast. We were now in October and we were getting ready for the kids.
I felt enormous amount of responsibility rested on my shoulders. It was eating away at me. I was afraid I would be a failure or I would raise them wrong. I had Queen LAtifah as support but in the back of my mind I was fearful she would try and eat the kids.

Maybe I was over reacting but I noticed ever since she got pregnant she was different. I was different too I suppose. We were no longer trying to be perfect all the time.

We had reached that moment in the relationship where we stopped trying to be the person that the partner wanted them to be and we began to be ourselves.

For example, when we were first going out I would put up with her moaning about how bad of a day she had. I didn't mind because I was so smitten by her. As the months went by though I could not put up with it anymore.

She was not that cute innocent piglet I first knew at the beginning. She had let her guard down and let me in to see the real her. The real her was a nasty pig with no consideration for anyone but herself.

That being said I let my guard down and what was left was a pig with a short temper. I really could not stand her anymore. The worst thing about it was there was no where to go. She was with me all the time.
I started to hang out with Moses. Just sitting in the grass not having to say anything.

It was one night in October a week before the kids arrived and I was asleep. It was here where I had my one and only dream.

In it I was Norman Morgan. It felt amazing. I was standing up to a height of six feet and had hands. The best bit of it all though was that I was on the outside for once looking into the farm.

I could see all my future kids running around the yard. I stood there at the gate in astonishment as they played. It was then they noticed me. I don’t know how they knew it was me inside Norman’s body but they did.

“Dad let us out!” they screamed while pushing against the gate. I held the gate shut with my hand as I knew of its faulty latch.

“I cant do that", I said, looking at them with sorrow.

“But Dad this could be our only chance to be free” I looked at the gate but could not open it. I felt responsible for them and to open the gate would lead them to danger.

“No! You would not survive a day out here.” I shouted.

“Dad he will kill us if you don’t open the gate.” I stood there thinking.

“Maybe it is for the best. You have a good life in here, nothing can harm you except for the day he comes for you and that harm will be quick and painless. I promise.”

I turned my back and walked away knowing that leaving them captive was for the best.

The next day I woke up late. Normally I get up as the sun rises but this morning I was tired and slept in. In fact I would have slept for longer if Kane had not of woken me.

“You have to see this. It all happened so fast no one even saw him breaking the gate open!” Kane ran out after shouting this at me.

As I walked out of the barn I saw an airplane circling the crop field and Normans combine harvester stopped in its tracks. Red mist had covered the wind screen. All the animals just stood in awe looking at it.

It was Moses, he had escaped and met a very gruesome ending. In my mind though I think he was happy to go this way. He must have spent the last year just looking out onto that field desperately trying to get out there.

Well he got his wish now. He is no longer caged. I envy him so much, what I would have done to be with him in that harvester. I got angry with him because he did not take me.

I was unaware though but my time was coming.

For the rest of the day I did not want to talk to anyone. I went off in the same way Moses had done on many occasions. I just sat at the edge of the fence not responding to anyone if they approached me.

I was in my own world this day. I cared about no one but myself. As I sat there the whole day I watched the sun go across the sky. Not a cloud to be seen again. There was a slight breeze but it did not bother me too much. It was cold for October but I did not care.

Before I knew it, the sun had set. I realised I had abandoned everyone since Moses died and I felt obliged to go and see how everyone was.

I had a feeling that I took it the hardest. I got up and made my way to towards the barn. There was a full moon out that night and as I walked towards the barn I could see Norman Morgan enter the gate.

I stood still. Last time he entered like this, fear grinded me to a halt. This time though it was excitement that stopped me in my tracks. Could this be the night?

He looked at me and made his way over. Once again he collected me in his arms.

As he marched me up to the back of the house my mood took a drastic change. I don’t want to die! I screamed in my head. This whole day I was just feeling bad for myself because my brother died.

I don’t want to be joining him. Its not my time. I want to see my kids. I want to have my dramatic send off with Queen Latifah. I cant remember what the last thing she said to me.

I loved her. I know I moaned about her for the last month but that was just because we were going through difficult times.

Be careful what you wish for because it might come true. Well the truth is a horrible reality right now. I tried to kick and squirm but it was no use.

Norman said “don’t worry it wont be that bad.”

That bad! You're about to kill me with that fifth-teen dollar knife in your hand. I tried to kick and squirm one more time but he held me to the ground now.

As he had me on the ground he lifted my left front leg. It was at this stage I thought of Granddad  Homer.
I don’t know why. For some reason he was the only thing in my mind. I tried to remember how he was so accepting of death and I tried to imitate that courage. It was of no use though. I was not half the pig he was. I was scared. 

Now as my left leg was lifted, Norman placed the knife at my armpit. This was it, I knew it and everything inside of me felt like it had stopped.

With one quick movement, the knife entered me and impaled my heart. The only pain I felt was a sting of the knife going in. He made sure I didn't feel pain but that does not excuse what he did. I can safely say it was the rudest thing anyone had ever done to me in my life.

It did not matter anymore because I was dead.